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Poem by John Roedel

my brain and heart divorced a decade ago over who was to blame about how big of a mess have become eventually, they couldn't be in the same room with each other now my head and heart share custody of me stay with my brain during the week and my heart gets me on...

This is my life, written down on paper

My name is ‘Rosie’. This is my life written down on paper. My childhood was not a very good one. My parents were heroin addicts and as you can imagine they were not very good at being parents. Throughout my whole life I had no boundaries no one to tell me off. I was...

Natural Thinking by Ria Walton

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The Three Girls Workshop

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VICTIMS’ COMMISSIONER SAYS CULTURE CHANGE TO SUPPORT AGGRIEVED LONG OVERDUE

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“I feel lost, and I don’t know if this pain will ever leave me…..”

I  was abused from age 7 to 20. No one in my life knows except doctors/counsellors/helplines or the occasional Samaritan. I carry on every day like I'm absolutely fine. No one would ever know.   It's almost like having two lives which makes me very sad. I was...

Poem 2 by Michelle

In these eyes I hold the key, To a life you will never see. Beneath the surface of fake smiles

NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT VICTIMS OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

Categories - Survivor Stories

NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT VICTIMS OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE, it has taken me a lifetime to build up the courage to write this, but here we go…..

I was born in 1966, a brother to a loving family in London and my parents at the time were hard working and for all their work challenges decided to call on a family friend to babysit for us, and that person was a male who came into our home. I had a brother and a sister – one older, one younger.

To my parent’s credit who just wanted to provide a living for our family, I had someone come and look after us. I was very young at the time and didn’t really understand a lot of things, I think I maybe had been four or maybe 5. Human nature will never stop you for forgetting what happens to you as a child. FACT!

Not long after he got the family confidence, I was the middle of three children, Mum and dad would go off to work and we were left in his company. He would put my brother and sister to bed and many times make sure that they were asleep, then he would try and bath me. It was times like that when he would sexually abuse me, he would threaten me like most Paedophiles.

I remember being in the bath being a young little boy and he would hold me under the water and try and drown me and threaten me and say things like, you tell anyone you never take another breath. Such a young age. Who knows what you do there, so you go along with things like that.

This went on for many years. I can remember things when I was shadowing my brother when I would wet the bed. I would feel he would come into my room, but my brother was asleep, undress me get in bed with me and that thought that you would be harmed by somebody. You just kept so quiet, and he didn’t say nothing.

After, my mum and dad thought he was wonderful. He would take us out to the park and my brother and sister would play on the swings on the slide while he would take me to a place where other dirty paedophiles were in the bushes and would do the most horrific things you could do to another human being.

When my brother and sister were asleep, he would come upstairs and take me out of my bed at such a young age, take me downstairs into the front room, close the doors and make sure no one could come in

He knew my parents were at work and they would never turn up and he would do the most terrible things that you could do to another human being. He raped me he made me do the most despicable things you could ever understand I struggle to understand. Who knew another human being could do that to a child? It went on for many years.

I think looking back now maybe from the age of 4 to 12 and it only stopped cause my mum and dad separated and we moved onto a different area.
For me personally it was just like a breath of fresh air to get away from that wicked place, from that wicked person.

By then I had never told anyone what had gone on. I felt disgusted. He absolutely crushed me, and got me to understand that if you ever tell anyone he’s going to say that I will kill you, I’ll kill your family. So, I never said a word.

When my parents separated, I think I was probably 12 so around the year of 78/79, we moved out to London, and I just felt like I’d been released from something like that. But the lack of a father figure meant me and my brother become so disruptive, and we became somewhat terrible.

I think my mother called on the social services so we moved out of London, and we moved down to the Hampshire area and my mother couldn’t cope with me anymore and I was a placed in a children’s home in Hampshire. The pain of being in that place haunts me to this day. I’m never going to mention that place but one thing I will say, there are members of staff there that are doing prison time for what they did to young kid’s children in that place.

When I was there and what happened to me there, will scar me for the rest of my life.

Many governments have wronged young children that were placed in children’s homes to be made safe. We weren’t safe! We were put in arms reach of paedophiles and dirty disgusting people and that has not changed to this day.

So, for some 40 years I never said a word to anybody until that dirty wicked person contacted my sister over social media some six years ago asking how I was. So, I took that decision then, after a long thought, to contact the police and bring that dirty despicable human being to justice. So, I contacted the Met in London. An investigation started. The individuals arrested and he was charged. He was charged for rape, buggary indecent assault to a minor, inciting a minor to engage in sexual activity.

I have to say that the Metropolitan Police in London did a great job tracking this wicked human being down and getting him to justice. So, I thought they did everything in their power, and I have so much gratitude to them.

What I feel so much pain towards, is the CPS. This investigation went on for FIVE YEARS! Judgement was, he was charged. He appeared at numerous court hearings at Magistrates Court. We were asked to go to appear at London too. I’m not going to name the court. To stand trial, to face him which I was happy to do because I wanted justice!

So, in 2019, we were at a well-known Crown Court in London. I was there, all the witnesses was there, we were all ready to give evidence. They asked me to go to court to look at the court. I’d never been to a court before. So, you walk around the court, I knew where I would be sat, I knew where the jury would be, the judge and everyone else in those proceedings.

Many human beings do not understand a Crown Court and I was one of those people, but I wanted to get justice for what he done to me and maybe what he done to my young brother, and I’ve never said it before, but my brother took his life some 10 years previous to that court trial.

We shared a room together. I asked my brother many times, because we shared a room together, if that wicked bloke ever came close to him and he always said no! That is something I will never understand, but to that end the trial started.

We were in London, the witnesses were there, he was there. Everything was set up and just before we were going to trial, on the 21st January we’re all in London waiting to stand trial and I felt justice was just there. Then I received a call from the investigation officer asking me to meet at the court in London. So, I went along, and we received the devastating news, that after five years and tracking down a Paedophile. The CPS decided to drop the case and a dirty despicable person walked free!!!!!

All I got from the CPS was, we saved you from facing him in court!!!!

I know this will end me as a person in due course, but I wanted to share my story with so many people out there, because I am just one in 1 million been through a wicked, wicked time 😢😢😢😢

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