Jen Survivor’s Story - Years of suffering pain and fear

*Trigger Warning*
*Some of my story*

After years of many different types of abuse by some whites when I lived with my parents, my information was sold to Pakistani rapist Evil A.

In twenty-one years I was drugged, sexually abused, penetrated, raped, beaten and tortured in many different towns and cities in UK by numerous of Pakistani rapist. Evil A forced taken me occasionally his two brothers and his dad were involved in forced taken me in back of van to other rapist. Evil A enjoyed telling them what to do and use on me. They did lots of horrible, frightening, painful, disgusting things to my body. I couldn't always count how many evil monsters there was because more often than not there were countless of them. Most of the evil monsters did it to me more than once.

Evil A was very aggressive, strict, controlling and dangerous evil monster, the torture, rape and punishment got worse when I wore the wrong type or colour of clothes underwear etc that he didn't like. Evil A always had an excuse to want to hurt me and allowed other evil monsters did same.

Evil A has often film me being sexually abused, penetrated, raped, beaten and tortured their faces were always covered to protect their identity mine was shown. He enjoyed watching them hurting me.

Evil A has often forced me to have naked and topless photos taken, they made me felt ashamed, dirty and disgusting. Evil A also himself sexually abused, penetrated, raped, beaten and tortured me, he did it to me more than others did. It happened to me when I was a child, teenager and adult. Last time it happened to me was in year 2017.

Evil A was a very clever devious dangerous evil monster who used many different fake names and moved about a lot. He had many powerful useful friends who he rewarded with cash in return for favours and information.

I was also treated badly by some police, social services, support workers and others who supposed to protect me.

I now suffer from depression, anxiety, ptsd, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, bad dreams, flashbacks, body image issues etc. I also can sometimes smell things and hear voices from the past which still scares me.

I have survived rape.
I have survived sexual abuse.
I have survived beatings.
I have survived torture.
I have survived self harm cutting.
I have survived suicide attempts.
I have survived alcohol addiction.
And I have survived more.

*Evil A*

You have destroyed and abused me horrifically.
You have robbed me of any chance of loving relationship/being a wife.
You have robbed me of forming and maintaining relationships.
You have robbed me the chance of being a mother.
You have robbed me from education/doing well.
You have robbed me of career prospects.
You have robbed me of my freedom (hiding away)
You have robbed me of my physical health.
You have robbed me of my mental health.
You tried to robbed me of being a strong independent woman which I continue to work on.
You got me addicted to alcohol, drugs and cigarettes which I'm now please to say I am free from them.
You have robbed me of my self-esteem.
You have robbed me of trust for the medical profession when it comes to intimate examinations which I know could put my life in danger.
You have robbed me from developing secure attachments, trust to my care givers and others. I may never trust and feel strong enough to have a loving parner but I am growing stronger everyday and learning to trust more people.

I have many good trusting people in my life, I have a nice home with some replacement items you stolen and destroyed.

It's been a difficult journey and I am learning to live with what you and others have put me through.

I am a survivor who no longer feel alone and isolated, I am growing stronger everyday. You have destroyed my life for so long I will not allow you to continue.

Good news is, I'm now being listened to and supported.

Written by JEN SURVIVOR.