Real words written by one survivor of childhood sexual abuse...

I was at school

There were many many men

They abused and raped me

But I was a CHILD

I was on the Child Protection Register

I had never been in trouble with police

Ever.

I thought the men were my friends

But then I was arrested

Accused of being a madam

It was not true

I felt small

And victimised

I felt lonely

It scared me

Mum was asking for help

No one helped

And I left school

I Sat home,

On my own

No wage

No job

No education

No support

No friends

Lonely... frightened... depressed

Didn’t know where to go, who to ask for help

So I put my thoughts in a box

In the back of my brain

Locked

The  key thrown away

The abuse had ended

The Police came

They asked me to tell them what had happened

Very very hard to unlock the box

But I did...

And I cried

I hated it very much

But I trusted the police

They promised to support me

To help me

I did hours and hours and hours of interviews

Many months

Reliving all the abuse

Went to Identification parades

But then nothing

Never...

Felt let down

No one was charged

Never...

Why?? .......  Why??

I still see the men

In taxis, working

I feel scared

I walk everywhere

Wont go in a taxi on my own

Still

I’ve not been able to work

I can’t cope

I can’t watch tv

Can’t read about it

Still

I don’t go out at night

Don’t open the door

Keep it locked

Keep my curtains closed, day and night

I’m scared

I see the men walking round Rochdale

But I’ve got my kids now

I just focus on my kids

I’m a good mum

I keep busy busy busy

Push my thoughts of the abuse to the back of my head

Live my life in terror

In fear

And I’ve done NOTHING WRONG

I WAS A VICTIM

AT THE AGE OF 14

I WAS A CHILD

I SHOULD BE HELPED, NOT PUNISHED

But where can I go for help...??

Who will help me now

There’s  no one there

There IS no help...

No one to talk to

No one to listen

I feel all alone...

But I have my kids...