I Feel Let Down by All the Authorities and Helpless, Absolutely Helpless, Just Like When I Was a Child... Louise’s Story

I have reached out to many organisations, desperate for support and they have actively stonewalled me. I am so desperate for justice, accountability and recognition. I've had none of those things.

My assailant is my biological father. In April 2019, I walked into a police station and formally reported the CSA I suffered as a child of 11/12 years old until I was 16 years old. 

By the time I'd reached 16/17, I was not coping. I'd had enough of the abuse and I told him I never wanted to see him again. I walked away from my entire paternal family to safeguard myself.

Through the years,  I tried to get on with my life and put it to the back of my mind, but it was impossible. 

After my report to South Wales Police, in August 2019, my abuser was charged with 9 counts of rape of a child and a trial date was set.

At the first trial, in 2020 (2 weeks after my brutal attack by SWP...see below)  I gave evidence,  but my abuser sacked his legal team on the 2nd day and the trial could not continue. I was left traumatised.

The next trial was scheduled for 6 months later. This was a full trial and it resulted in a hung jury - no decision.

Another trial date was set, 4 months later. This was a full trial and again resulted in a hung jury - no decision.

At the end, the Prosecution barrister for the CPS asked the judge for '7 days' to prepare for the next trial.

I was asked If I'd give evidence again and was led to believe that there would be another trial. 

However, on a short time later, I was startled to find 2 CID officers at my home at 18.15pm (on a Friday) with a letter from the CPS. 

The letter stated that they were not going to take on another trial.

It was a Friday evening,  I was unable to reach out to any legal advisors for advice or support. I was destroyed, left in absolute devastation on a weekend. 

It is no exaggeration to say that I contemplated suicide for the 3rd time in my life that evening. I cried so hard that my eyes were swollen. 

The OIC was lazy and incompetent. She failed to carry out a through investigation and secure key evidence that would have proven him guilty.  I gave her a list of 23 tasks to complete - I know that if she had carried out reasonable lines of enquiry,  he would have been found guilty.  I believe she was negligent in her investigative duty.  

A friend of the family who is a solicitor, did a favour for me and wrote an email for me to send to the CPS to request that they 'lay the case on file' or adjourn it rather than go to the fatal stage of offering no evidence, but they ignored it.

They were insensitive, dismissive and callous. They demolished me.

Since then, I've had to slowly try and come to terms with not having any justice and a dangerous, violent abuser is still being allowed to walk free. I strongly believe that he will hurt another child. He has multiple convictions for violent offences and I have evidence that he hits his partner.

He is an aggressive, dangerous, alcoholic psychopath.

After the trials ended and I was trying to establish what my next steps were, I needed to warn others, to make them aware he is dangerous to allow them to be informed and take steps to safeguard their children and themselves. I was also trying to heal and get a little closure – sadly, closure and healing have evaded me.

So I created a Facebook awareness group for survivors of abuse, a petition and I started to raise awareness of how badly I was treated by the CPS and South Wales Police and also by my abuser. I gave details of what I endured and his name to warn others.

6 months after the cps letter, my abuser was seen in my small home village -a small place with a small population. He was spotted near my son’s school, captured on dash-cam by my mother. I contacted South Wales Police to tell them he had travelled to my town and I feared he would harm my child or my mother. They could not have been less concerned. They did nothing. That made me feel even more vulnerable  (I had sent an online report in and I attached the dash-cam footage)

So I decided to posted a still photo from the footage and added the words ‘child rapist, stay away from me and my family – you are not welcome in my town’

A short time later I received a letter from South Wales Police asking me to attend a VA interview accused of harassing MY ABUSER! I initially said no – but I was threatened with arrest and so I went under duress.

I attended with my solicitor and an appropriate adult. I asked for a medic to be present or I was not going to go to interview. The medic spoke to me and said I was unfit for interview because my mental health was too poor. The decision to prosecute had a NFA decision from the CPS.

I was given ‘words of advice’; and told not to name my abuser or I risk prosecution. I was re-traumatised, again. I had been diagnosed with CPTSD and severe anxiety by this stage, all of which South Wales Police were aware of. I am disabled, they are also aware of that and that I am extremely vulnerable. I feel that once again I have been silenced and my voice and efforts to try and heal have been taken away from me.

I was terrified as a child when my abuser, my father, used to threaten me to keep me quiet – essentially South Wales Police were doing the same. Threatening me and petrifying me to keep me silent. My voice is very important and I have fundamental human rights.

Since the VA accused of harassing my abuser, I was then asked to attend another VA with no evidence to substantiate any harassment against another person. I believe these interviews have been South Wales Police’s way of intimidating me and keeping me quiet. All the time, they are causing yet more trauma and anxiety.

I feel very let down by all the authorities and helpless, absolutely helpless, just like I was when I was a child.

I don’t know what (if any) legal action or what action I can bring. Everything I have tried has been futile. I have been stonewalled every which way.

I was just a little child.  I had no voice and I am still being threatened, almost 40 years after the evil that destroyed my life started raping me.

I cannot continue to live with ‘what if he had not done it, what if I had told someone’

It is debilitating and exhausting.

I am very grateful to have met you and all the others at the ball. I hope that we will have an opportunity to meet again. In the meantime,  I am so very grateful for all your efforts,  support and most of all, for listening and believing in me. 

Thank you

Kind regards