This is my life, written down on paper

My name is ‘Rosie’. This is my life written down on paper.

My childhood was not a very good one. My parents were heroin addicts and as you can imagine they were not very good at being parents. Throughout my whole life I had no boundaries, no one to tell me off. I was basically a child raising myself.

When I was 13-14 I used to hang around with a girl called Laura her parents were also heroin addicts. One day Laura took me to a flat on BL road in Liverpool. At this flat, there were so many men one of these men was called Ahmed he was supposedly dating Laura. I had no idea what these men were saying as I could not understand their language.

I felt very uncomfortable at this flat but two of the men started to argue and fight with each other I wondered what was happening. Turns out they were fighting about which one of them was going to have me. This encounter led to my number being passed around by all these different men and I was constantly getting phone calls asking me to attend (parties as they called it) I attended a party at a house on St Road in Liverpool this is where I met Ali. He was so nice at first and he came across as a bit like a brother. I was plied with free alcohol at this party and my mate Susan was taken upstairs by Ali.

The other guy in the house literally picked me up and dragged me to the bathroom. I was screaming and shouting for him to let go. My mate tried to come to me but Ali would not let her leave the room. I was trapped with this man in the bathroom he started taking his pants down he grabbed me and started pulling at my clothes. He raped me in that bathroom. once he had finished he let me out I was completely sober at this point.

My friend came down and I said we’re leaving I told Ali what his mate had done and he told me he was sorry and that I would never have to see him again.

I never saw Abdul again – Ali kept his word. People wonder why after this rape did I stay in contact with Ali; can you imagine being a kid in this world surrounded by people who do not see you? Raising yourself in an adult world. These were the first people to ever really take notice. I no longer felt like a ghost.

After the first rape, I was wary but Ali built my trust and I really did trust him. I met Tariq through Ali. these two men would be a constant in my life and would completely destroy me as a person. I attended Tariq's flat most weeks and parties would be thrown I remember one party I only had one drink and do not remember much else I woke up in the bed I had no clothes on and bruises all over my legs. Ali walked into the room and was laughing said I wanted it. At Tariq's house, I was made to sign some contract thing to say I would behave when there and I would stick to his rules. The parties became more often, the rapes were too. They used to tell me they had videos at the time and that they would upload if I did not do what they said. Being young I believed this stuff they were saying. Men started to come from other places like Manchester and Birmingham. Tariq informed me that he needed me to marry one of his friends. I was so shocked and did not know what to do.

I shaved all my hair completely off to a skinhead and bashed all my face in so it looked like I had done 20 rounds with Mike Tyson.

When Tariq saw my face he was silent he did not say anything his friend turned up with like 20 family members and they told me that when I do this I would need to move to Warrington and have a baby with him. The guy I was supposed to be marrying could see the damage I had done to my face, and it worked…. he did not want to get married. I thought I had got away with it. Tariq informed me that there would be a party later and I needed to be there.

When I got to the flat there were just 7 men they grabbed me and pinned me down in the bedroom on the bed two of them held me while the rest took turns to anally rape me. They all had a go I remember laying there for so long in pain, them laughing. Tariq told me that this was a lesson and that if I disobeyed him again I will carry on being punished.

At this point, I was completely reliant on drink and cocaine. These men also spiked my drink with ketamine. I was withering away as every rape took a little bit of me, I became so numb to it all. Life was bad but there was no way out. There was so many men, so many parties, so many rapes. I realised at one point I missed a period and started to panic. I had thoughts going through my mind I could never have a child with these people I would be trapped forever. I pumped my body with overdoses crazy amounts of pills so much drink and drugs I had a friend punch me so hard in the stomach. It worked and I started to bleed. I was so relieved that I just went back to normal carried on like nothing.

In 2012 I was still being made to go to these parties and be raped by men. Sometimes it was one sometimes, sometimes 6, maybe more. July 2012 I went to prison and for the first time in a long time, I could breathe! I loved it. I got free from drinks, drugs and being raped. Them 6 months were amazing for me and it gave me a chance at life.

When released I was given a probation officer. She said I needed to stay free of drink which was going to be hard as when I got released Tariq was waiting for me and the parties resumed, but this time it was different. The rapes were different cos I was sober. I realised I could not go back to this life and I told Tariq I had told my probation officer about what was going on. The look on his face told me I now had the power. Tariq fled to Pakistan pretty much right away I did tell my probation officer but I was not ready for the police.

I was never raped by them again. I tried to build a life, heal from my wounds. It was so difficult though. I went through stages of mental health and hurting myself. I went back to studying I have studied mental health and counselling skills. I finally had the courage to go to the police but right away I was completely aware of how overwhelmed they looked by all these men’s names and by how many incidents they could not keep up with the information.

They kept trying to talk me out of it saying there will never be a conviction. I realised right away they were not even trying. They confirmed Tariq was still in Pakistan and they had no way of bringing him back. They only spoke to one of the men and that was Ali, even though I named over 20 men and there is many more.

The police said they would have to do further interviews about the other men I named but didn’t. The police failed to talk to my ex probation officer and my ex counsellor. Also one of the other victims Joanne was not re-interviewed after saying she would need to be. Joanne’s dad and step mum were not interviewed to confirm these men were caught at their house. The information they have may also be able to help give an exact date of one incident. My ex-partner was not interviewed even though we were together for 5 years. I also found the police did not take information properly. They also did not take it seriously that these men were trying to contact me through the investigation as the men were made aware by someone. After the police spoke to Ali, they also said one of them had an alibi for the date of the offence when I had not given police a specific date as this happened over years...

I have still never received justice and I have no trust in the system or those who should have protected me as a child.

(All names have been changed to protect the identity of the survivor)